I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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