Will you blow on my dice?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
