if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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