That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
