think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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