yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
They have beer where we have blood.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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