He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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