i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
