so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
