I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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