i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
