It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
