i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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