I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just google imaged poop.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
