No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize