when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize