That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
