He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
