I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
