I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
