Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
