Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
