woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
