It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize