i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
