maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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