I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's the barista slut.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
