I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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