I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
