omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
