i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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