he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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