Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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