no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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