Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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