i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you never un-have a 4some
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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