there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Found your dick twin last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
