Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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