I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
