everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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