we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i barfeds in our rink
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
