I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
