so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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