If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize