so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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