brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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