OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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