Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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