I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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