I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
