The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
