He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
