I only kidnapped one of them. chill
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
