Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
