Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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