We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
