Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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