you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
