the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
