I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am naked and annoyed.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
