i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
