Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
