i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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