Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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