i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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