she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
