Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They took my balls.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
