Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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