If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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