found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
