i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
