she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
