wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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